Squash Pie

Lovely, Autumn!  Cooler weather, leaves changing color, cinnamon and nutmeg...all the lovely things I associate with autumn.  And have you seen all the different types of squash there are?  As a kid, I thought squash was just those little yellow things (that looks like a zucchini, only yellow and smaller)...and I thought I was enlightened when I got introduced to acorn and butternut.  But when we were at the shop early this fall, I saw different types of squash I'd NEVER seen before!  Beautiful colors and odd shapes...I wanted to buy them just to give the kids a taste of something out of the ordinary.  Luke, trying to keep me from the display and in true Luke fashion was very expressive, "NO!  Not squash soup!"  lol  It's one of my favorite (and easiest) soups to make!

Well, today, I thought I should use up the over 20lbs of squash I have and instead of making soup, I thought to make a Squash Pie!  So Yum!  And it's perfect since today actually felt like autumn.  :)  I had my pie crust already prepped in the freezer.  When I make it, I just make a bunch and freeze them in flat-ish balls and then take them out when I want to use it and leave it on the counter to thaw.  So easy!

So, I cut the carnival and acorn squash cross-wise and put them face down in a couple glass dishes added a little water and cooked at 400 for 45 minutes or so and then I turned the oven off and left them in the oven and when I was ready to take them out, the meat was easily taken out and pureed.

3 cups squash pureed
3-4 eggs (I did 4 eggs b/c I had smaller eggs)
3/4 cup milk
4 tbs butter melted
1 tsp (or more if you like) pumpkin spice
1 tsp salt
3/4 Rapadura sugar (I was on the phone with my sister and put in one cup so it's a bit too sweet for my liking so I added a bit more squash but if you like to be on the sweeter side, go for 3/4 - 1 cup)

Mix well and put in the pie crust.  Bake at 375 for about 1 hour.  Try it and tell me what you think!

ENJOY!

P.S.  Luke LOVED it..wanted another piece.  ;)

God's Tootsie Roll

I try and limit the kids' candy intake.  I don't deprive, them...necessarily.  But if we do have candy in the house I usually give in to their candy request only after they eat their midday meal.  But a couple hours after breakfast, I had a moment of softness...or weakness, depending on how you look at it.  Jonathon was outside working with his daddy and I went to see how the grease monkeys were getting along.  Jonathon asked me out of the blue if he could have a tootsie roll.  Now, Jonathon is the type of kid that knows how things roll at home.  He is a very by-the-book kind of boy.  He likes to know the rules and endeavors to keep them.  So, when he asked me for a tootsie roll, he asked in such a way that I knew by his facial expression and tone that he "knew" I would say no.  For the fun of it I decided to just break the mold and say yes.  He looked shocked then perplexed and then confused and he asked me again..and I replied in the affirmative...with a grin on my face.  I left the scene and expected him to forget everything he was doing to hunt the candy down.

One hour later, Jonathon found me and he brought up our earlier conversation regarding the tootsie roll.  He wanted to know if I was serious and if he could truly have it.  I was taken aback and a bit hurt by his question and in just a few seconds had a whole bunch of thoughts cross my mind.  I was saddened that he missed the opportunity for a "treat" because he didn't take me at my word - the first time.  And then I thought, how many times do we go back to God asking him if He was serious about His promises.  We bring back the same sin...wondering if He truly forgave it.  Or the same need...wondering if He would truly provide for it.  The God of the universe, whose authoritative words spoke the world into being, whose strong hands shaped us and whose breath gave life, says what He means and means what He says.  And we hear His truths - the shocking, perplexing, amazing, unbelievable truths that are sure to bring sweetness to our lives - and instead of leaving everything behind and receiving that blessing, we come back an hour later and ask Him if He was serious.  How that must hurt His heart.  How could we possibly doubt His love when that is the essence of who He IS?  To doubt His offer is to doubt His Love and even doubt His character.  He laid it all out on the line so we could experience the good life.  And what great proof we have of His astonishingly magnificent love in the gift of Jesus!

God has offered you a tootsie roll...don't question Him and miss out - just take it!

The Devil and the Cheer

Keziah has been having a hard time going to sleep these last couple nights.  During the day, we of course, talk about God and the supernatural and at times the Devil comes up as a topic of discussion:  Why did he want to be God?  Where does he live?  And Luke always adds,  "I am going to kill him!"  There is a sort of fascination or curiosity when it comes to the supernatural.  I remember as a kid my mind played tricks on me and I'd "see" things in my room...and I was positive that sometime during the night, a witch would come into my bedroom and pull down my covers.  The only reasonable explanation after always finding my blankets off my bed when I woke up in the mornings.

Well, recently, Keziah has raised the subject of Adam and Eve and the Devil using the snake to trick Eve into eating the fruit.  I told her the story and she would ask questions and just chat to me about the whole scenario.  These last two nights she started behaving fearfully at bed time and wanted her door open (she already uses a night light) and she kept saying that maybe there was a snake in her room and she thought the devil would be in the snake.  I talked to her and prayed for her and even had her repeat in her sweet authoritative voice the truths of God's love for her and what He says.  But tonight it was the same deal:  difficulty going to bed.  After another reminder that God loves her, and that she is His daughter and He takes care of her and after insisting that the Devil didn't want to come into our house because of Jesus in us, I left the room to go and tend to the baby.  Antony checked in on her after 10 minute and she was still in there with her eyes wide open.  She was just wound up as tight as a spring.  Shortly afterwards, Antony came out and called to me and said, "Quick!  Come here!"  So he leads me right outside her bedroom door and I hear her sweet little voice saying:  "I. Am. A Child of God!" in a little cheer-type chant.  I stayed outside that door and heard her say it over and over with great conviction.  No less than 100 times.  Antony told me he talked with her and then walked out and turned off her night light and left her in the dark to repeat that simple phrase so that this crazy fear thing would be broken.  I sat in my living room and prayed - asking the Holy Spirit to comfort her with His love and peace and that this would be something she would remember - and that she'd sense His love enveloping her in that bed.  After a minute or two, the chant slowed in pace and her voice got softer and softer until she fell asleep.

Now, I know that she may not understand the fullness of what being a child of God means, and although I have a greater understanding, I am still learning what that entails.  But hearing her say it over and over stirred something on the inside of me!  I am a child of God.  I, am a child of God.  I.  AM.  A CHILD OF GOD!  I just pictured her saying it over and over in her bed - my sweet little pumpkin, facing that big fear with those 4 incredible words.  I was thinking about our positions as children of God and how confidence in our position as His children should help us face our own monsters in our lives.  Financial, marital, relational, physical, mental, past, present, future, shame, guilt, etc.  What monster has been terrorizing you, keeping you up at night, causing you to bead up with sweat at the mere thought of it?  Our position - our stance - our perspective - these are important in being free from the Frankenstein's in our lives.  If I keep my eyes on the ugly monster and forget that as God's child I am loved more than my mind can comprehend, I will miss the opportunity for my Heavenly Daddy to show me His moves in taking that thing down!  But it's remembering who we are and making our offensive from that revelation - I. Am. A Child of God.

What comes to your mind when you think of the aspects of being a child of God?  I'd love to know your thoughts!

Chocolate Pot De Creme

I was in the mood for a Yummy chocolate-y mousse type dessert and this hit the spot!  Not as light and fluffy as a mousse, but DEELISH!  It was a HIT with the kids, too.  :)  It would totally make for a great dessert for guests - it's got a fanciness to it...especially if you put it in a fun glass.   

Ingredients

• 
  
• 9 ounces high-quality semisweet chocolate, chopped (I used Ghirardelli 60% bittersweet)
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1 1/2 cups heavy cream
• 6 large egg yolks
• 5 tablespoons granulated sugar (add an extra tablespoon if using bitter chocolate)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar

Directions

Place the chocolate in a blender. Whisk the milk, 1 cup cream, egg yolks, granulated sugar and salt in a heavy-bottomed medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring constantly with a heatproof spatula, until the mixture is thick enough to coat the spatula and almost boiling, 5 to 6 minutes.

Immediately pour the milk mixture over the chocolate in the blender. Cover and hold the lid with a thick kitchen towel; blend until combined and smooth, stopping to scrape down the sides of the blender as needed. Divide the chocolate mixture among ramekins or small cups and refrigerate until set, about 2 hours.

Whip the remaining 1/2 cup cream and the confectioners' sugar with a mixer or in the blender until soft peaks form. Top the chilled pots de creme with whipped cream.

I didn't use the ramekins - I found some fun champagne type glasses at Goodwill.  Before I refrigerated it, I divided the chocolate mixture: some of the glasses just had the chocolate creme, then I added about 5 drops of coconut extract (with a good stir) to a few others and a couple with peppermint extract.  Antony LOVED the mint ones...the coconut ones were great too!  SUPER easy and tastes like something you'd get at a fancy restaurant!  I like that.  :)

                                                      

                                                       Ooo, la, la! ;)

The FEAR of the Lord...and the backyard mess.

Jonathon was asking me what it meant to "fear the Lord"...so I began to explain to him that to fear the Lord simply meant to respect Him - to love what He loves and hate what He hates.  I found a truth in this to apply to me and Antony...but boy, it's not easy to be humble and admit it!  Oh yes, the pride is getting a beat down.  Just when you think you are doing pretty good - BOOM - you see how FAR there is to go!

With the joys that having 4 children at home and homeschooling brings, it can be easy to have excuses of why certain things can't be done.  My hubby is a very orderly kind of guy.  So much so, that when we met a couple recently, for the first time, by the end of the few minutes that we spent chatting together they were sure that Antony had been in the military.  I thought that was hilarious...they'd got a feel for his personality in no time!!  Had he joined the military, he certainly would no doubt have made it to General.  I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite of what order is...not that I'm chaotic...exactly.  Just focused on what I have set my own mind to do.  I am a mother.  As mother's we can be quite set on our plan.  And no doubt, we have a plan.  We have a certain way that we like things done and placed and said and cooked and stirred and washed, etc.  So, yes, I do like order.  I appreciate it.  But it doesn't mean that he and I are on the same page of the dictionary when we look that word up.  Why?  I forget things...I forget that the kids were playing outside in the sandpit, in the mud, using my kitchen utensils while digging for gold, exploring, making a mess and generally having a magnificent time, once they set foot in the house.  Because once they set foot in the house, it's time to shake out the sand out of diapers and clothes, sweep up the kitchen floor from their sandy footsteps, scrub mud off feet and noses, or in Marc's case, the inside of his nose.  I've got clothes to put in the hamper and I have to make sure four kids are bathing and keeping the water IN the tub and of course make sure to keep soap out of eyes, or in Keziah's case, out of the inside of her nose, and do this while ensuring the evening meal comes out perfectly.

So, how does this relate to the fear of the Lord?  I know it seems to totally disconnect, but have patience my friend, you will see the light shortly.  The picture of the backyard mess I gave you and my good reasons for forgetting said mess, is similar to what happens with the inside of the family car.  By the end of a journey in the car, after a long day of errands including library and food shopping, by the time I get everyone/thing in the house, I have forgotten what the inside of the car looks like because I'm on to the next task. So, this has been happening for a long time.  Okay Lisa, just bare the pride.  It's been happening for years.  Of course, Antony would be the one to tidy it all back up and reset it for us.  And it would slowly get back to the unacceptable point and then he'd clean it up again.  Yes, the kids would assist, but the tasks always end up being time intensive.  And, of course, he'd give me the same lecture, ahem, loving talk, as the last time we dealt with the same issue.  Something about keeping clean, the importance of teaching the children, etc.  All very valid points and I heartily agreed with him.  And truly I did want to do what he wanted.  I really wanted the cleanliness and order.  It felt great to have it.  But I would start off well and end up with the same messes...and the same husband-wife conversations.  Well, something happened after this last episode.  As I watched him and the the kids clean up the backyard,  I began to truly connect with the whole thing...I truly saw that I had been amiss.  I had not loved what Antony loved and hated what he hated.  Oh, I acknowledged that what he wanted, a clean car and clean backyard, were good things.  I even wanted to do those good things.  I knew how important they were.  But I never personalized them.  I never made them my own.  So of course I would fail because his standards never became my standards..so the other "more important" things, that were all my own standards was what I did.  And at that moment something clicked over.  I took on what he loved.  I determined he would see the respect I wanted to show him.  I apologized to the kids for not respecting daddy enough to make what was important to him, just as important to me and then I asked God to forgive me - in front of them.  They watched me - wide-eyed and open-mouthed, but that day is set and we are consistently doing what is important to Antony and to me...and passing those important things down to our kids.

So, is there anything you aren't making important that is important to a spouse, your children, or God himself? Please share it with me...I'd love to hear your response!
  

The Light-bulb

Last week, Antony was helping me clean out the refrigerator...Yes, I know..I am blessed.  :)  Well, after over a year of not replacing the light-bulb in the refrigerator, he fished around on the top shelf of the cabinet to find...a spare!  Sure enough, it worked perfectly and immediately the change shocked me.  Let's face it.  The difference a light-bulb in a refrigerator makes to a mom is pretty intense.  We practically have a best friend relationship with those things - you love them b/c they take care of the things that are important to you - and sometimes when they are empty you get a bit miffed but you fill her up and you're back on speaking terms.  Well, it has taken me almost a week to get used to the new brightness in my refrigerator.  I actually told Antony that every time I open it, I feel like there's almost something wrong with the refrigerator until I take the second to mentally adjust my thinking to the fact that having the light-bulb operating in the fridge is right and that it's meant to be this way.  It wasn't until a couple days into the fridge transformation that I had the revelation...I was a bit slow on the uptake.  But I suddenly thought, "In what areas of my life have I been living without a light-bulb?  What areas of my life were at one point operating in the light but for some reason or another the light was extinguished?  And instead of taking the time to replace the light, I adjusted and got used to seeing that area of my life from the Darkness' point of view instead of getting the truth that comes only from the Light that is MEANT to be operating there?  Where had I allowed wrongful thinking to take over - covering my sight - giving me only a partial picture, stopping me from living to the full?  Which crevice or corner have I forgotten about, leaving it in the dark and tricking myself into thinking it's no big deal...b/c other light-bulbs in my life are working just fine.  I adjusted to not having that light-bulb to the point that when I finally got my light back, it actually felt weird - almost wrong.  But that's what the darkness does.  If we don't immediately deal with an issue with the truth and light of God's Word, then slowly our eyes (soul) become accustomed to the darkness and we get tricked to the point where the truth almost seems weird.  That's scary.

Also, why did I never take the time to change the bulb?  Over one full year that light-bulb was within my reach and I had the means to make the switch:  to replace darkness with light.  But it all comes down to a choice.  First, I have to ask God to show me what parts of my life have gone dark.  This takes openness and sensitivity to hear Him...humility to admit I am wrong and the courage to make the choice to make the switch.  Changing our thinking comes when the decision to change is verbalized and then commitment becomes internalized.  And unlike Antony making things easy for me and changing the fridge bulb, only I have the power to make the choice to replace the darkness with light in my thoughts, ideas, and actions.   And, OH!  How much better life looks when we are seeing it through the truth that Light brings!

Chicken Tenders approved: Black Bean Soup

Here's a GREAT recipe that will help you get rid of some leftovers and also give the kids some great nutrition and it's DELICIOUS! 

Day ONE

Black beans (cook them as normal).  Add coarsely chopped 1 green pepper, 1 onion, plenty of garlic and a couple peeld zucchini in a mixer and blend until smooth.  Heat cocounut oil in pan and cook for a few minutes.  Add salt, cumin, pepper and dried oregano to taste. Then add to black beans. 

Make brown/white rice.

I like to mix my rice for extra wholesome goodness.  Heat one cup brown rice in some cocunut oil constantly stirring...add 1 1/2 cup water when hot and let cook about 10-15 minutes (can not dry up) add  one cup of the jasmine rice with another 1 1/2 cup water.  Cook down and cover simmer until done.

I make turkey or ground beef patties and a steamed veggie.

Day Two

Take leftover beans and rice, add Chicken broth to it and liquefy.  Pour into soup pot.

Steam one Acorn squash or butternut squash and when cooked, liquefy with some of the hot water in steamer.  Add squash mixture to soup pot.

Brown and mince ground beef or turkey (I prefer taste of ground beef).  Season with salt and cumin or a Jamaican Jerk flavour or Mexian flavoring.  Add to soup mixture (juices and all).  Stir and serve with shredded cheese, sliced avocado, salsa or by itself...SOOOOO delicious! 

The kids LOVE it and ask for more!

Hello again!

Well, journal...it's been awhile since we had a face to face. So much has happened and I wouldn't be able to put it all down - but the learning curve is what's most important.  God teaches us SO much stuff - if we are open to learn it...and I'm sure there are areas that I am closing and I don't want to truly "see" the things that need to change...but I'm getting there!  I still see so much inside of me that needs tweaking...so many areas where I need to "put on my new nature" (Col. 3 - The kids and I are memorizing scriputre - wow - it's been great!  I love that Keziah is getting it too!).

So...key points - Antony went freelance - HUGE step of faith. We have learned so much - about our marriage (we weren't living in sync with each other...seeing daddy as an "intruder" or "interruption" to our lives/ routine...but we saw it needed changing and although it's so hard to change, it's essential for vibrant growth...I can see how people just want to ignore the problem and keep living the way the samw way b/c it's just easier!  Change is so TOUGH to do), about God's graciousness (in our mistakes, He makes things right), trust in Him as our provider, we've enjoyed free time, pool time and a record breaking hot summer. 

Mary Kay - God taught me how to bring Mary Kay and fit it in our family - through it, the children will see first hand the very things we want to instill in them.  What it means to work hard, set goals, plan, organize, think out of the gbox, how to treat people, how to lead people, how to encourage/motivate/inspire people...so excited that they will have it in front of them so they can learn by watching it being done and being a part of it themselves!  Looking forward to all that God has and is doing in and through me.

Kids:  Marc Alec - getting so big - long curly hair...he is so affectionate - kisses us all the time - and when Kezi cries he goes to show her love...does his cute little hop on foot dance.  We are enjoying them all...Jonathon lost another tooth...it is so odd to see him growing before my eyes...I am purposefully taking time to enjoy the small moments...Luke is my vibrant life - keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh in spite of everything!!  Keziah is such a sweet princess...and yet tough and 'tudy at times!

Book Club:  I started a book club with some other moms...we are reading "The Mission of Motherhood" first...and we are enjoying it so much.  Reading it makes me remember more often what it is I am doing in the lives o f my children and how huge it is - and how SPECIAL it is! 

Okay then, I think that brings me up to date.  Until next time!

"Sit down, you're rocking the boat!"

One of me and sister's old classic faves was Guys and Dolls...Handsome Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra with a voice that would melt you...we loved watching those oldies!  There is a song in there that says, "Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rocking the boat"...yes, I had to sing it while I typed so I could make sure there were enough "sit down's" in there.  :)  


Well, in life we really ave to do a Peter and get UP and get OUT of the boat!  I realized the other day, while I was chatting to my hubby, that it's in the boat where things are secure...comfortable...you know what to expect and there are no surprises.  It's nice to sit down and enjoy the view...for a time...but to live in the boat for comforts sake causes us to miss out on what God can do in us and through us!  


Matt. 14
 ²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.


The disciple thought Jesus was a ghost at first.  How many grown men, rough and tough men, squeal like girls and cry "Ghost!" when they are doing their normal routine? When we get comfortable in our boat, we get to the point where God-things look irrational or scary...and we react to them with fear.  


 ²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”


Again, Jesus saying not to be afraid...fear stops us from SO much...you tell me an issue you can't get through, I guarantee there's a root of fear somewhere...it debilitates us...stops us from forward movement in our lives.


 ²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
   
Take the time to listen closely...through all the noise in life, when it's Him calling, you will know if you take the time to know His voice.


²⁹ “Come,” he said.


Peter responds with a crazy idea.  Go out on the water!?!  How out of the blue is that!?!  I'm sure in all his years as a fisherman it didn't cross his mind to try it before..it would've been silly...but when Jesus is telling us to do something, you can bet your britches that it will be something you never would have done before and something that will be done entirely dependent upon His grace and through faith!


29 Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.


Peter put action to his faith.  Faith without works is dead.  


³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”


When we take our eyes off Jesus and his promises and look at the circumstances and difficulties, sinking is inevitable...


 ³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”


Jesus didn't say, "Oh Peter, what's wrong with you?  Why don't you have enough faith?  Oh well, you didn't pass the test, I just can't help you anymore...you'll have to try and swim back to the boat and see if you can save yourself."  Instead, He reached out His hand.  His hand is outstretched...when he died his hands were outstretched and he saved us once and for all, forever making right of our wrongs.  In our failures, His grace makes it right.  We will fail, we will doubt, but if our heart is right, we can receive what He already paid for.


 ³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”


Notice that they climbed back in the boat...I doubt Jesus started walking toward the boat, then saved Peter and then decided to swim the rest of the way.  They both walked on the water.  Jesus is with us - walking the path with us, guiding us, never leaving us, helping us in our weakness, making us strong, seeing us through.  And when our test becomes a testimony, it will glorify Jesus - it will cause others to see Him for who He truly is.


Last thing...in the boat, we find comfort and there may be security, but there is no room for anything else...when you get out of the boat and step out in faith, suddenly doors open, opportunities make themselves known...MIRACLES happen.


It's definitely okay to rock the boat!  :)

Embrace the Grace...Squash the Fear!

I've had a revelation today.  It's a biggie.  Because big things are happening.  When I say big, it's the feeling that you get when you think of the magnitude of destiny and when you see another puzzle piece fall into place that will get you there.  It's all a journey, of course.  And today, I've had a huge realization.  I am about to embark on something that I've feared since I was a child.  I have tried and failed more times than I care to recall and I've spent too much money, much to my husband's dismay.  ;)   But there was an innate fear in me that I didn't see for what it was.  Fear and hate truly go together.  I never saw that until this second.  As a child I would say, I hate selling.  I pushed my shy, quiet sister when it came time to do school fundraisers...literally pushed her out the car door and sat watching from the safety of my seat belt.  Fear stopped me from selling those little dollar chocolate bars and the hate was my response to the fear.  I have said it countless times, "I HATE selling!"  But I am now seeing the hate stemmed from the fear and it covered the root issue - the fear - so that I never dealt with it.  And the "hate" of selling masked itself as a good thing - I don't like pressuring people.  Doesn't that sound so thoughtful?  We always turn to the good thins so we can ignore the bad.  I hate such and such and all because I'm thinking of other's feelings!  Yeah, right!  Another realization I'm having as I'm writing...I haven't been thinking of others feelings...I've been thinking of my own.  And it all boils down to fear of failure and fear of rejection.  I have seen now that deep down, my fear has been stopping me from reaching my destiny.

As I am embarking on my new mountain climb, I am being forced to see this.  Now I am able to see the root issue and deal with it.  I have been thinking today on a few things.  So many GREAT and successful people all have one thing in common.  If you hear their story, it always started out with something in their childhood that they hated - for John Bevere it was his writing class.  I've heard other great well-known speakers say they hated speaking in public and had severe fears of doing so.  Yet, the very thing they feared was somehow intertwined with their God-given destiny.  So I was talking to Antony today and it all just came out...the fears that I have that stop me from dreaming and stepping out...and then I said, "Destiny, Fear and Grace are all delicately intertwined."  And it all just became so clear to me.  The enemy will do whatever it takes for us to fail at reaching the greatness we are capable of with Christ on the inside of us.  I believe that as children the seeds of fear that are planted in us are directly related to our purpose and that the enemy will plant that fear to stop you from success.  But God in His infinite mercy has added grace to balance out the equation.  And when we embrace the grace, renew our minds and let His dreams for us become our own, the fear is squashed out and we are able to do things we never thought possible.  If there's an area of life you feel you are not exceeding at, look for a root of fear.  If fear was not a part of me today, then I would be successful today in the area I want to succeed in.  But I am not there, so obviously I have been succumbing to fear.  But no longer.  I see it and now I can submit myself daily in this area, lean on God's grace and strength and see His great plan really take shape.  I am not ignoring the fear, and pretending it does not exist.  But now I have a plan of attack. I see it like an old scale - you know the kind old kind of scales they used long ago for gold?  Well, right now, the fear is heaviest and is having greater control over my destiny than faith is.  But as I embrace the grace of God, everyday, sometimes that may mean many times per day, as I get a vision for what I am doing, as I fill myself up with God's love, renew my mind, and take actions steps everyday (faith without works is dead), I will undermine the power I have given that fear and my faith will begin to take on more mass and take it's rightful spot as the leading weight in my life.

This is a big day...because Fear has been found out and it's going down. ("aaarrrggghhh" face!)   :)

every problem's One solution

This is the busy season for daddy.  He leaves early and comes home late...usually close to midnight.  When his work schedule gets the squeeze, so does mine.  It always reminds me of what a team we make...but that's only after the fact.  Usually during this time, I tend to see only the fact that I am more irritable, fussy, short, etc. with the kids.  My days are longer, the demands are more demanding.  But before the busy-ness started this time around, I listened to that still small voice.  Normally, I tend to get my game face on and tough my way through the task...but it's all in my own strength.  I don't learn anything from the experience.  I mean I don't learn anything where it counts...inside.  But this time, I realized that I'm not taking every opportunity of difficulty to run to God and say, "Lord I submit myself to you.  I need you.  I can't do this on my own.  I want to have a heart change but only you can change my heart if I am open to you doing so.  I want to grow during this time and depend more on you than ever before."  Wow, what a perspective change.  Instead of simply enduring the difficulty, the difficulty is now something that can be used to bring me closer to Him.  I tell the kids "See a problem?  Find a solution."  Well, I need that for myself...I need to remember that any problem I am facing always has only, "The One" solution.

My house or my home...

I was having company over last night...people I'd not met yet.  I wanted everything to be perfect...who doesn't when it comes to certain things?  I began to look at my house through a newcomer's perspective and could easily see it was definitely lacking.  Old sofa covers, stained carpet, walls that are more like murals and a general lack of niceties.  My sweet hubby was helping me catch up on some cleaning so that my day wouldn't be too difficult.  We were talking about the state of the house and I opened up about my insecurity in my house's appearance.  I hate thinking about having people over b/c of the way my house looks, and said as much.  I'd love to have all the nice little trinkets and matching furniture and spotless, spacious rooms.  And as I knelt down cleaning up my little snowman table (yes, we still have our Christmas decorations up...) it occurred to me and I voiced aloud, "You know babe, I would rather them come and leave feeling that maybe it wasn't the fanciest of houses, but that it was a warm home."  And you know what?  They did.  They said it themselves and that was the highlight of my night.  I want a home...not a fancy house with only nice things at the expense of joy, love, peace, laughter and fond memories.  I still look forward to having those nice things, but I definitely feel more at ease in having friends come and enjoy what we have to offer in our home.  Love.

"God doesn't look right on paper..."

Do you ever mentally do a pros and cons list?  It doesn't matter if it's a rock-your-world type of decision or just a simple one, your thoughts start a list that helps you arrive to the most logical conclusion based on positives and negatives outcomes.  The positives and negatives always end up being something that will help or hurt you in some way.

Logic can be such a good thing to have.  Like when your child is holding herself in the middle of the supermarket saying she has to go to the toilet.  Logic would say, put the spinach down now and run to the other side of the store as fast as the trolley will go and take her to the toilet OR she'll wet her pants and I don't have clothes to change her into, I don't want to hunt down an employee and ruin their day by having them clean up my child's urine in the veggie aisle and I don't want soiled pants in with my other dirty clothes that are waiting to be washed, b/c although they needed to be cleaned yesterday, I don't want pee-pee pants intermingling with the other dirty clothes to make them even more dirty b/c I am not ready to put on another load.  Okay, thats it, everyone run to the bathroom!  Whew!  Now that's thinking things through logically and it's just in a matter of seconds that all the thoughts are categorized and whiz through our minds.

But sometimes, we get so logical about everything that we begin to live life with logic and throw faith out the window.  I found myself in that boat, recently.  I have always thought myself a logical person.  And in life's many daily choices, logic can be useful, but as I recall, it's faith that pleases God and faith trumps logic every time.  Now, I'm not talking about stupidity.  You know the old example of stepping in front of an oncoming semi saying, "I have faith that I won't be hurt."  Faith won't help you on that one.  But it will be your ticket into the next.  ;)  I'm talking about when you have a choice to make and you aren't sure which way to go.  One way seems logical and on your logic list you have words like:  more money, safe, comfortable, secure, settled, the norm, routine, it's worked fine up until now so why change?  The part of you that deals with the same trust issue will usually win out on your logic list and you'll stick to what's safe so you can stay in your warm, cozy cocoon.  But sometimes our logic - which is basically our reasoning thoughts - may, in our minds, seem the best way, the way with more benefits; but in reality takes us out of God's design for our lives.  We may miss out on so much of the great stuff because we didn't want to step out in faith.  Fear being a factor that stopped us.  Which deals with lack of trust. But, moving on...

After the resurrection, Jesus showed up in the room where the disciples were.  A couple of followers were telling the 11 about their talk with someone on the road who turned out to be Jesus.  So here they are, getting news that Jesus is alive.  How crazy that must have been for them!  And when they were listening, suddenly, Jesus was there and it says they were so afraid , terrified even, that they thought they had seen a ghost.  And it goes on to say, 38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled ? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?  That word, "thoughts" is the Greek word "dialogismov".  Two words that come to mind when I see that are dialogue, and logic.  Our minds are always on dialogue.  Not a monologue - one way conversation, but a dialogue with our spirits.  Our spirits are yearning for the supernatural, are desperate to break out of the natural, normal, day to day stuff.  Our spirits thrive on God's rhema words to us and His promises to us.  But our thoughts default to logic. And so the battle ensues.  Jesus knew their thoughts.  He "heard" the thoughts of their minds.  What could their thoughts have been saying?  "No way.  Impossible.  I saw him die.  I saw it all with my own two eyes.  I saw him carry the cross and then be nailed to it.  He can't be alive.  It must be some crazy mistake.  Or a hoax.  I watched the sword thrust into his side and I saw him taken away to be buried.  Anyway, there were soldier guarding his tomb.  Those are Roman soldiers.  They are no joke!  They wouldn't let someone in or out of that tomb!  They are probably still there guarding it.  Well, he did say it a few times...he talked about dying and rising up but that never really made sense to me.  And how could it have happened anyway?  I mean, I saw him raise the dead, but how can a dead man raise himself?!  Impossible."  

The definition of the transliterated word "Dialogismos" is:  the thinking of a man deliberating with himself, a thought, inward reasoning, a deliberating, questioning about what is true, hesitation, doubting, disputing, arguing.  Our thoughts are on autopilot to logic land - to inward reasoning.  We deliberate and question what is true.  We hesitate and doubt.  But Jesus was there, standing right in front of them.  It defied logic.  It shut the door on sense.  But it was the truth.  God's truth can surpass logic.  When you look at your logic list with God as the debating factor, it's easy to see that God doesn't always look right on paper.  My husband and I had a decision to make and as we were coming up with our answer, all our good logic came out first.  And the answer to our issue all hinged on one thing - the one thing that we constantly have to surrender and trust God with.  And suddenly I saw it.  Following God would get us much further then following the list.  I saw that somewhere along the road, we had begun to look at the reasoning of man and taken God out of the equation.  My logic list came up against the truth and suddenly I got the good smack of faith and realized that my logic could not dictate the right way for us.  I couldn't rely on an organized, sense-filled list to make sure I made the right choices.  My list can only see possibilities, His promises see sureties.  My list can't see into tomorrow, my God knows all things to come.  Obedience to Him is the only thing that will get us to God's design for our lives - even if it doesn't make sense in some of the practical areas of life.  Jesus standing there didn't make sense to the disciples.  It went against everything that made sense.  He knew their thoughts, he heard their logic, but the truth of him being alive, standing there in that room at arm's length shot logic out of the water.  An invisible God doesn't make sense to everyone.  But the Truth outweighs what makes sense to man.

     What are your thoughts saying?  What kind of dialogue are you having with your spirit?  Get God's truth on the matter before you go for the pencil to start writing out the pros and cons...and all of a sudden you'll find you don't need a list anymore, you just need Him.