Embrace the Grace...Squash the Fear!

I've had a revelation today.  It's a biggie.  Because big things are happening.  When I say big, it's the feeling that you get when you think of the magnitude of destiny and when you see another puzzle piece fall into place that will get you there.  It's all a journey, of course.  And today, I've had a huge realization.  I am about to embark on something that I've feared since I was a child.  I have tried and failed more times than I care to recall and I've spent too much money, much to my husband's dismay.  ;)   But there was an innate fear in me that I didn't see for what it was.  Fear and hate truly go together.  I never saw that until this second.  As a child I would say, I hate selling.  I pushed my shy, quiet sister when it came time to do school fundraisers...literally pushed her out the car door and sat watching from the safety of my seat belt.  Fear stopped me from selling those little dollar chocolate bars and the hate was my response to the fear.  I have said it countless times, "I HATE selling!"  But I am now seeing the hate stemmed from the fear and it covered the root issue - the fear - so that I never dealt with it.  And the "hate" of selling masked itself as a good thing - I don't like pressuring people.  Doesn't that sound so thoughtful?  We always turn to the good thins so we can ignore the bad.  I hate such and such and all because I'm thinking of other's feelings!  Yeah, right!  Another realization I'm having as I'm writing...I haven't been thinking of others feelings...I've been thinking of my own.  And it all boils down to fear of failure and fear of rejection.  I have seen now that deep down, my fear has been stopping me from reaching my destiny.

As I am embarking on my new mountain climb, I am being forced to see this.  Now I am able to see the root issue and deal with it.  I have been thinking today on a few things.  So many GREAT and successful people all have one thing in common.  If you hear their story, it always started out with something in their childhood that they hated - for John Bevere it was his writing class.  I've heard other great well-known speakers say they hated speaking in public and had severe fears of doing so.  Yet, the very thing they feared was somehow intertwined with their God-given destiny.  So I was talking to Antony today and it all just came out...the fears that I have that stop me from dreaming and stepping out...and then I said, "Destiny, Fear and Grace are all delicately intertwined."  And it all just became so clear to me.  The enemy will do whatever it takes for us to fail at reaching the greatness we are capable of with Christ on the inside of us.  I believe that as children the seeds of fear that are planted in us are directly related to our purpose and that the enemy will plant that fear to stop you from success.  But God in His infinite mercy has added grace to balance out the equation.  And when we embrace the grace, renew our minds and let His dreams for us become our own, the fear is squashed out and we are able to do things we never thought possible.  If there's an area of life you feel you are not exceeding at, look for a root of fear.  If fear was not a part of me today, then I would be successful today in the area I want to succeed in.  But I am not there, so obviously I have been succumbing to fear.  But no longer.  I see it and now I can submit myself daily in this area, lean on God's grace and strength and see His great plan really take shape.  I am not ignoring the fear, and pretending it does not exist.  But now I have a plan of attack. I see it like an old scale - you know the kind old kind of scales they used long ago for gold?  Well, right now, the fear is heaviest and is having greater control over my destiny than faith is.  But as I embrace the grace of God, everyday, sometimes that may mean many times per day, as I get a vision for what I am doing, as I fill myself up with God's love, renew my mind, and take actions steps everyday (faith without works is dead), I will undermine the power I have given that fear and my faith will begin to take on more mass and take it's rightful spot as the leading weight in my life.

This is a big day...because Fear has been found out and it's going down. ("aaarrrggghhh" face!)   :)

every problem's One solution

This is the busy season for daddy.  He leaves early and comes home late...usually close to midnight.  When his work schedule gets the squeeze, so does mine.  It always reminds me of what a team we make...but that's only after the fact.  Usually during this time, I tend to see only the fact that I am more irritable, fussy, short, etc. with the kids.  My days are longer, the demands are more demanding.  But before the busy-ness started this time around, I listened to that still small voice.  Normally, I tend to get my game face on and tough my way through the task...but it's all in my own strength.  I don't learn anything from the experience.  I mean I don't learn anything where it counts...inside.  But this time, I realized that I'm not taking every opportunity of difficulty to run to God and say, "Lord I submit myself to you.  I need you.  I can't do this on my own.  I want to have a heart change but only you can change my heart if I am open to you doing so.  I want to grow during this time and depend more on you than ever before."  Wow, what a perspective change.  Instead of simply enduring the difficulty, the difficulty is now something that can be used to bring me closer to Him.  I tell the kids "See a problem?  Find a solution."  Well, I need that for myself...I need to remember that any problem I am facing always has only, "The One" solution.

My house or my home...

I was having company over last night...people I'd not met yet.  I wanted everything to be perfect...who doesn't when it comes to certain things?  I began to look at my house through a newcomer's perspective and could easily see it was definitely lacking.  Old sofa covers, stained carpet, walls that are more like murals and a general lack of niceties.  My sweet hubby was helping me catch up on some cleaning so that my day wouldn't be too difficult.  We were talking about the state of the house and I opened up about my insecurity in my house's appearance.  I hate thinking about having people over b/c of the way my house looks, and said as much.  I'd love to have all the nice little trinkets and matching furniture and spotless, spacious rooms.  And as I knelt down cleaning up my little snowman table (yes, we still have our Christmas decorations up...) it occurred to me and I voiced aloud, "You know babe, I would rather them come and leave feeling that maybe it wasn't the fanciest of houses, but that it was a warm home."  And you know what?  They did.  They said it themselves and that was the highlight of my night.  I want a home...not a fancy house with only nice things at the expense of joy, love, peace, laughter and fond memories.  I still look forward to having those nice things, but I definitely feel more at ease in having friends come and enjoy what we have to offer in our home.  Love.