Rah, Rah, Shish-kum-bah!

It never ceases to amaze me when I think of the fact that everything I am doing/teaching/living in front of my kids will affect their entire lives...sobering, don't you think?  How they will interact with people, how they will succeed in relationships, money, jobs...it's so huge.  It can be an overwhelming realization if you look at your own strength and ability because you inevitably look at your weaknesses and insufficiencies.  I used to get paranoid about this reality  - well, maybe not "paranoid"...but I'd definitely freak out if Antony and I would make the error of raising our voices in front of my kids.  Yes, we have argued in front of them and still do at times.  We are a work in progress and praise the Lord, we've made A WHOLE LOT of progress.  But I would get to the point that I'd be so focused on our mistakes, and all that we weren't doing that all I could see were children that would be scarred for life.  I'd forget to look at the progress we had made and then instead of being encouraging, I'd bring my spouse down instead of build him up.  I couldn't just compliment him and say, "Babe, that was really great how you dealt with that situation with the kids.  You are just doing a great job."  I had to be sure to add in the P.S. and say, "But you know there's still so much you have to do.  So much that still needs to be made right or the kids will grow up to be...."  I was only prohibiting the very thing I wanted to see in our home.  I felt like it was my place to keep reminding him - to keep in his full focus the strides that were needed to see our family succeed.  As if he didn't already know it.  I hate it when people remind me of things that I know need fixing and that I'm working really hard at achieving.  But of course, I felt the need to continually remind him.  Unfortunately, I never saw that I was cutting him down each time I reminded him of his other failings.  For every good effort he made, a positive change/growth, I would only keep in front of him how far he still had to go...how's that for cheerleader of the year?  I mean, seriously...we all know that people do better when they are cheered on for every triumph and encouraged when grace is extended for each downfall.  But I was cutting my own teammate at the feet!  And many times I would lord it over him - put myself on a higher plane - to make him see how low he was and how he needed to improve all the more.  It's a wonder I've never been crowned "Meanie of the Year".

I am not 100% there yet.  At times, my peppy cheers are out the window and I fall back into my old habit of seeing the cup half filled.  But, I got to the place, where I see that we are our own special and unique family.  There will be things Antony and I will do, right and wrong things, that our children will see.  But if I am allowing myself to be transformed daily, giving Him my shortcomings so that He can mold me, then God's grace will cover the errors we are sure to make and He will be the One to shape my children into the men and women He sees them as.  I had gotten to the place where I thought my "works" would ensure they turn out all right instead of entrusting them to Him with the knowledge that in my own human strength I could never give them everything they need to be successful....I could only offer them the one person that can - Jesus.   I depend on His grace and I set my faith that they will walk in the destiny that God has for them.  I am living out my relationship with Jesus in front of them.  I know I will make a mistake and when I do, instead of pretending like I can go through life without erring (like I used to in my self-righteous state), I can use the opportunities to teach them what to do when that mistake is made.  How to make things right with daddy when I get snappy or argumentative, or how to walk in self-control when I deal with the boys and some of their weird boy-things they've got going on (like the time I found out they were trying to pee into the toilet while perched on the sink).  I can talk to them about my consistent state of righteousness, the fruits of the Spirit, and how to trust the Holy Spirit for His help and guidance...that by the power of Jesus Christ I am transformed everyday.

One thing is for sure - cheering my family on to victory in this life is definitely more fun and brings more joy to us than a constant view of defeat.  Chicken Family...Let's go, let's go, L-E-T-S-G-O!!!.