How "NOT" to make Friends

Antony asked the kids if they wanted to join him at the gym the other day.  Luke, my second born (almost 5 year old) usually doesn't want to play at the kids area there but this time quickly assented to go.  I was a bit surprised and told him so and he so sweetly said that he wanted to go so that I could have some alone time.  He said it was Mother's Day and he wanted me to have fun on "Mother's Day".  It was so sweet - one of those melt your heart moments.  I enjoyed my time alone, although I did have the baby with me and although I did spend the time cleaning....but I did get to talk to my sis-in-law which I don't get the chance to do often.  It was nice.  So they all got back home and Luke asked me if I'd had a nice time and I replied in the affirmative and I asked him in return if he had fun and he replied, "No.  I had to sit down."  I asked, "Why did the teacher have you sit?  What did you do?"  Of course, the little ears on his big brother were in the other room but picked up the signal that something was brewing and he replied for Luke, "He was spitting on the girls!"  Ohhhhh.....ugghhhhhh....the same "I don't understand why you do this!" feeling I get when Luke misbehaves. You know, when you want to yell and cry and shake them and say "WHY?!"  But I quickly composed myself, although I may have rolled my eyes with a little "Oh, Luke..." remark...I don't recall...but hopefully I didn't, though I don't give myself that much credit. ;)  So, I proceeded to explain, for what felt like the millionth time, that to make friends we don't do things like that.  Daddy came in and did a little drama with two scenarios -in the first, he pretended to be a boy that spit on Luke and in the other he introduced himself as a little boy wanting to be friends and wanting to play together and asked Luke which was the best way to make friends.  It put a smile on everyone's face.  But I still left the situation thinking, WHEN is this going to kick in?!  Just the day before we were at the park and he called one of the older girls a name...the problem seems to be with older girls - he wants their attention and them to like him so he does stuff - usually not "nice" stuff - so he can get their attention.  Negative attention is still attention, unfortunately.

But this is one of those things that weighs on me as a mom.  The weight that follows me whenever we go out - at any get-together, play group, church service, etc...  The weight that sends the unrelenting thoughts.  The thoughts that seem to take residence in the back of my mind, never allowing me to fully settle.  Never allowing me to fully enjoy and relax b/c deep down that weight is always whispering at me, getting me to focus on it.  What weight is holding on to you?  Mine may seem trivial, but to me, it's real.  It's something big for me b/c it has to do with my son and his growth.  Yours may be financial, marital, relational, spiritual, emotional.  And we have different ones.  This is my Mom-ital weight.  I'm sure I have others.  But it's taking the time to dig deep and see that we have them.  Seeking out their hiding places.  If we don't find them and then mentally and even verbally recognize that they are trespassing, we are living in deception - not really wanting to deal with the elephant in the room.  But it is there, and until we can see it rationally - for what it really is -  then we will be unable to deal with it spiritually.

I've been reading a book by Dr. Spencer Johnson called, Peaks and Valleys.  (I would encourage everyone to read this and also his book "Who Moved My Cheese?" - read that one first -you can find them at your public library).  And basically he says that life is filled with peaks and valleys.  We all know that b/c we all experience them.  But he talks about how to make your peaks last longer and your valleys shorter.  And one thing is to look at your situation rationally.  Not allowing yourself to see it for more than it is.  If we are in a valley and we magnify it to the point where we can't let ourselves see the truth of the situation, see that it is truly there, we'll be stuck in that valley for a long time.  But if you face the weight, see it for what it is, and what it wants to do in you (stop you from moving forward) then you can identify the steps you need to take to let yourself loose from it's grip.  Also, if you are at a peak, you may see it for more than it is by not facing the little things that would want to take you down from that peak prematurely.  You may be so pie in the sky, everything is going dandy, that you miss pinpointing the little things that will cause you to return to a valley sooner than needed.  It's about constantly checking ourselves.  We have to look and ask the Holy Spirit to show us the little things that are holding us back from being all that He has for us to be.

I could allow myself to talk about my Mom-ital issue like it's never going to change and like it's hopeless.  But instead, I see it for what it is.  I see the truth.  I am in a season.  It's training time and I will not give up.  It's going to take time to see Luke develop into who God has him to be...look at me!  I'm still being worked on!  He's come a long way and he will fail - but he'll be failing forward.  Each mess-up is an opportunity to develop his make-up...I see the reality of the situation so that then I can let my faith work to see that reality change.

Take time to ask yourself the hard questions.  What am I fearing?  What is holding me back?  What is stopping me from moving forward?  Find it, verbalize it, then let God show you how to deal with it so that you can keep moving on up!